Who Am I As A Communicator

My communication assessment was completed by my older sister and my former principal and their results were almost identical to mine.  On the verbal aggressiveness scale, they both indicated that I was at the moderate level which was identical to mine.  This did not surprise me as I always believe in treating people the way you would like to be treated.  On the Listening Styles Profile they rated me as being in Group 1, which states that I am people oriented.  In the Communication Anxiety Inventory my former principal rated me as being moderate which differed slightly from my evaluation and that of my sister by a few points.  This did not surprise me because since her retirement I have gained some confidence in public speaking and some of the tension that I used to feel has slowly started to go away.  In retrospect that has had me to reflect on my effectiveness or ineffectiveness as a communicator.  It has enabled me to identify my strengths and weakness and to look at way in improving my weak areas.

During this week I have gained some insights as it relates to communication.  I have learned that my biases, schemas and myopia shape my perceptions which in turn can lead to inaccurate judgments of others.  These judgments then can influence how I communicate with others and can hinder their well-being.

Communicating Differently

Successful intercultural communication requires mindfulness, being respectful of others and maintaining an accurate perception of the situation (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2012).  Therefore I communicate differently with individuals depending on the relationships we share and the situation in which communication is to take place.  When communicating with family and friends my styles of communication is more informal and relaxed because of the culture and connections that we share.  However, when there are important family decisions to be taken the communication style changes.  Even within my family, the styles of communication differ as I do not communicate in the same manner with my nieces who are teens and those who are elementary age.  When communicating with colleagues and co-workers, the style of communication differs according to relations and context.  For instance, the way I converse with my colleagues at the workplace (refined, professional, calm, formal) differs to the way I communicate with them during our social activities. With persons I have just met, I am more mindful of what I say and how I behave.  All in all, my communication style differs according to the individuals and the context within which the conversation takes place.

Three strategies I believe that I could use to become an even better communicator is firstly to become self-reflective.  According to Vuckovic (2008) “… one’s perception patterns are learned as we learn to see the world in a certain way based on our cultural background.”  Therefore, being self-reflective would increase my awareness of my own culture, personality and identity.  I would be able to recognize habits, perceptions and biases which may carry prejudgments which result in microaggressions in my communication.  Another strategy I could adopt is to be free of bias and have respect towards other cultures.  Gonzalez-Mena (2010) stated that ‘a worthy goal is for teachers and other early child care and education specialists to become culturally sensitive and begin looking for the meaning of parenting behaviors and beliefs they run across in the families they serve.”  By having an awareness of other cultures and being sensitive to the uniqueness of these cultures communication will be more effective.  Lastly, I need to be able to choose a communication style that represents the communication partner with the same level of meaning (Vuckovic, 2008).  This would help to create a more balanced playing field as I would be more mindful of others.

References

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

O’Hair, D. and Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. (2^nd ed.).  New  York: Bedford/St. Martin’s

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

Communication in Action

In an effort to truly understand communication skills, it becomes necessary that they are analyzed.  To help make that analysis I chose to watch a show that I have never sat and watch before.  It was the Big Bang Theory. Watching the show with the sound turned off was rather interesting.  Having no access to their verbal communication I had to pay keen attention to their non-verbal communication.  There were five individuals; four males and a female.  Based on my observations I assumed that the four males were friends.  To me they seemed like college buddies based on their attire.  The young blonde female I assumed lived in the same apartment complex with the guys and was a friend of theirs.  They all seemed to be friendly as they appeared to be comfortable around each other, often having conversations on the living room sofa together.   Some of their conversations seemed to be intense at times.  In one scene a young man sat on his bed in tears, the young lady sat beside him nodding her head as if in understanding of his verbal message, she also placed her arm around him empathetically. In response to her gesture of empathy he placed his head on her shoulder.  In another scene a young man attempted to kiss the lips of the young blonde woman.  She seemed to be rather annoyed as she pulled her arm back and stocked him in the eye; he then walked home with a Band-Aid and a black eye.  

Watching the show with the volume on, I realized that my assumptions were pretty close to the actual plot.  Two of the four men lived in the apartment and the young lady lived in the apartment across the hall.  I assumed they were friends and probably college buddies.  This assumption was partly correct as they were friends but actually working professionals and the young lady was a waitress.  I assumed they were having some funny but rather intense conversations based on their non-verbal cues and I was right. 

I believe my assumptions would have been even more accurate if I had been watching a show I knew well as I would have had some background knowledge.   Nonetheless, I attribute my assumptions being so close to years of watching television with the sound turned off as I shared a room with my sister who would constantly complain that the television was disturbing her.  This taught me to be more attuned to non-verbal messages, how characters moved, what they wore, the back drop, their facial expressions, eye movements etc.  However,  I have realized that in my verbal communication I tend to be caught up in listening to the verbal messages and is not very attuned to what the individual’s body language is conveying.  This also taught me that sometimes our actions speak louder than our words.

Effective Communication

In order to be an effective communicator, one needs to be thoughtful, have the ability to use symbols and listening skills as well as the ability to influence others (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2012).  When I think of a competent communicator, my former principal, Mrs. Virginia Charles comes to mind.  She has a charismatic style of leadership which allows her to forge relationships with others.  She is great at exhibiting effective communication appropriate for any given situation.  Her communication style at a professional staff meeting differs from that of a parent teacher meeting as well as that of a personal nature.  She is very expressive and has the ability to self-disclose.  During conversations she maintains eye contact and uses language understood by her audience. She is mindful of the message her verbal as well as non-verbal behaviors convey.   She is open minded, listens attentively and actively and takes others ideas into consideration.  She is empathetic and shows respect and appreciation for other persons’ perspective even when she does not agree with it.   She is not one to talk together with another person and will not stop you in mid conversation to answer her phone. She has the ability to influence people and get her message across whether it is one on one, a small group or a large gathering.  She looks at a situation from other’s perspective and does not get emotionally charged even when infuriated by a situation.  She possesses a gentle and friendly demeanor and is able to reciprocate support.

I would like to model some of my communication behaviors after her since I would like to be a very competent and effective communicator.  Being an effective communicator would allow me to foster and maintain positive and healthy relationships with children, families and by extension all stake holders responsible for the healthy growth and development of our children.

Reference

O’Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2012).  Real communication: An introduction (2^nd ed.). New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s