I can recall a few years back, I took my nieces who
were then 3 years and 4 years Christmas shopping at the mall. While we were at a restaurant having lunch a
young lady with psoriasis walked in. She
had some red, scaly patches on her skin which were quite visible. I noticed that the 4 year old said something
to the 3 year old, pointed to the young lady and they began staring at
her. I told them that is was very rude
to stare. The 4 year old then said to me
“Ti Ti, why does her skin have stains? Why is it not like mine?” My immediate reaction was to ask her to be
quiet and to continue eating. Although
she continued to eat, she would often glance at the lady.
My response in this situation could have
communicated to my nieces that they should not question anything they saw as
different. Likewise, it could have
communicated that being different is bad; that there was something terrible
wrong with having psoriasis. My initial
response was due to me feeling embarrassed.
Additionally, I did not want the young lady to hear what was being said
by my niece for fear of making her feel self-conscious or hurt her feelings. I did not know what to say and as a result I
had to shut her up. Nonetheless since I
did not know what to say I should have told her that we would discuss it when
we got home (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010).
However, I have realized that the situation was
handled badly. I could have used this
situation as a ‘teachable moment’. Derman-Sparks
and Edwards (2010) suggested that it is important to answer questions
matter-of-factly and simply. Therefore,
I could have explained to them that these were not stains on the young lady’s
skin. She was suffering from a skin
condition in which red, scaly patches appear on the skin. This could have helped them to understand
that it is okay to be different.
Reference
Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias
education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.
I think embarrassment is what leads us to shut down children's curiosity. They do not have the judgment attached to their observations like we do. I agree that your new way of handling these situations would give children the accurate language to talk about differences that they see. If your nieces understood that this lady had a skin condition then it would have prevented more awkwardness that occurred from them staring. Thank you for sharing your honest reflection on this experience and how you have grown.
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteMy reaction when something was stated by my relative was the same. I think we don't want to cause chaos during the remarks and 'shhing' is the first thing we can think of. It allows that instance silence, but yet can send messages to children that something is wrong about the person. I agree we should use these instances as teachable moments.
Great post!
Zephirina,
ReplyDeleteI think that embarrassment is the common thought of many adults who get asked questions by children and this in turn results in them not receiving the proper information needed. Many times I have been asked questions by my young nieces and my mind goes blank and I don't know how to respond. I think this happens often. Like you stated, your situation would have been a great teachable moment for the girls. As Derman-Sparks & Edwards (2010) state "what children ask, say, or do about any aspect of their own or others' identities and differences are the wonderful "teachable moments" of anti bias education". I agree with Tricia's comment in saying that if your nieces understood that the lady had a particular skin condition causing her skin to look like that there may have been less of an awkwardness. Thank you for sharing, great post!
Sorry, forgot to post my reference.
ReplyDeleteDerman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young
children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.