Managing Conflicts

The conflict that I was confronted with involved a parent, her daughter and the principal.  I walked into work one morning and was told by the principal that she had received a call from a teacher from another school saying that a parent claimed that I had kept her daughter back at the school until 6:00 p.m. when school dismissed at 3:00 p.m. and that she would be coming to the school to deal with me.  I was rather shocked by this, as all my students (Grade 6) left the classroom and school at dismissal time.  The principal did not get an opportunity to investigate the accusation as the mother arrived at the school that very morning together with her daughter.

I was immediately summoned to the office.  Upon my entry into the office I greeted the parent but she did not respond.  It was evident that she was fuming with rage.  I sat across from her and the meeting began.  Both the principal and I allowed her to speak and did not interrupt.  After she was finished speaking, I shared with them that after the dismissal bell, I had my students to pray, wished them a pleasant evening and dismissed them.  I also ensured the mother that by 3:10 p.m. all my students had already left the school grounds.  The parent remained adamant that I had her daughter in the class.  After a while she rebutted quite rudely “so how did my child get home after 6:00 p.m.?” I responded in a rather calm voice that we should allow her daughter to tell us where she was during that time lapse.  The principal then questioned the child about her where about.  She revealed that after I dismissed them she went to her friend’s house which is a short distance from the school and had encountered problems in getting a bus to go home. 

 

The mother was clearly letting her emotions get the better of her as she slapped the child across the face saying that she had said a lie about me causing her to say so many negative things about me.  I quickly stopped her from beating the child any further and explained to her that we should find out the reason for the child lying.  Upon questioning her, the child revealed that she had lied to avoid being beaten by her mother as she had been told that she should not go by people’s home.  So she felt that if she said she was at the school with me everything would be fine.  The principal and I helped her realize the severity of her accusation and the possible consequences.  With tearful eyes she apologized to me and so did her mother.

I believe that in this situation I utilized the 3R’s.  I treated the parent with respect.  We had a back and forth conversation without insulting or demeaning one another.  I watched the parent’s and child’s nonverbal cues and gave my responses with careful consideration to their feelings; and I responded to the parent in a timely manner so as to meet her needs.  Another strategy that I used was nonviolent communication.  Even when the mother’s rage was evident and she was adamant that I had her daughter at the school, which really infuriated me, as I was being convicted by her without any evidence, I remained calm and my body language did not reveal that I was upset.

I feel that this situation was handled well as I could have taken offense and hold grudges against child and mother.  However, I was able to put myself in their shoes and let them know that I understood how they felt.  As a result, the relationships that I had built with this student and parent continued to flourish.